COACH-CREATED©: Explaining The Two Cs of Communication: Care and Consensus by Rashmi Jha

Communication is key for building teams that click.

This notion became crystal clear to me when talking with an employee of a huge multinational corporation, owned by a well-known name in the global machinery manufacturing industry. This particular employee worked in the Human Resources department, managing the approximate 3000 factory workers employed by the company. Let’s call him Dave.

I had a chance to talk with Dave. I asked him, “Sir, in such a routine day – where every minute is allocated and there isn’t much time for one-on-one or group discussion – can communication really make a difference to teams?”

His response: “You are underestimating the power of communication. The communication born out of care and consensus can elevate you to places you never thought possible.”

This got me thinking of the parallels in nature. For example, in large colonies of ants or honeybees, it’s caring, consensual communication that allows workers to come together systematically, yet accomplish challenging tasks individually.

Through my conversations with Dave, learning about his invaluable human resource management experience, the 2 Cs of communication were born. It’s what he said next that established them in my mind forever.

The Importance of Care in Communication

Dave went on to narrate the following real-life scenario:

“The factory in which he worked was located on the border of two different states of India: Tamil Nadu and Karnataka. Therefore, workers were coming from two different states. The workers from Tamil didn’t share the same opinions as those from Kannadiga, and these differences grew over time. This ultimately led to a belief that the company, specifically management, didn’t care about their respective opinions. This spurred infighting among employees, which, like the differences between workers, grew over time.

Small issues such as seating arrangements in the dining area and which plate could be used by whom quickly became bones of contention between workers. Ultimately, the Workers’ Union called a meeting and decided to go on strike due to a lack of care and consensus between factory workers and the human resource management team.”

However, Dave the Human Resource Manager did care. He cared for each individual, not just as a factory worker, but as a family member. This realization was when communication truly started.

Dave talked to the Workers’ Union and tried to arrive at a reasonable consensus between the non-negotiating parties. Unfortunately, the Tamil and Karnataka workers still didn’t see eye to eye.

The Importance of Consensus in Communication

So, Dave kept talking. Gradually, he was able to break the ice between the Tamil and Karnataka workers. After a month of negotiation, clearcut boundaries were laid out for each individual worker – even the plates in the dining area were numbered and assigned to minimize friction among workers.

The negotiations continued. Finally, after 3 months of nonstop negotiations, combined with the understanding and care shown by Dave and his management team, the communication roadblocks were overcome and a consensus was reached. With the conflict resolved, workers returned to work wholeheartedly, resuming their duties as a full-fledged team.

My conversation with Dave reinforced my understanding of communication. I know that in high volume interactions, it is difficult to streamline every piece of communication happening within and outside an organization. If leadership teams in a company show enough care towards the other departments, creating a larger consensus through smooth communication, then differences between individuals do not become bones of contention. The fluidity of communication amongst departments and people is only attained when an organization cares enough to formalize consensus and makes operational excellence the ultimate goal.

Enhance your coaching communication skills by becoming the coach your clients deserve faster than you ever thought possible…

Register for the new FOUNDATIONS OF GREAT COACHING course with Google’s David Peterson and ICF’s David Goldsmith – to accelerate your coaching practice from good to GREAT in a fraction of the time it usually takes! Visit: https://www.wbecs.com/ace/

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COACH-CREATED©: 7 Bad Habits Costing You Money by Linda M. Lopeke

This COACH-CREATED© blog piece comes to you from Linda M. Lopeke, Business Growth Specialist and Founder/CEO of SMARTSTART Omnimedia Management Consultancy, based in Ontario, Canada. When someone says, “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor and rich is better!”, it’s not hard to understand what they mean. However, the question I have for you today is, “Are you willing to change the bad habits limiting how much money you can make in your coaching/consulting business?” Let’s find out! BAD HABIT #1: Failing to negotiate While you won’t always get what you want, pretty much everything is negotiable. You can practice this at home today. It’s an easy place to begin building this critical life skill. Note that negotiating and bullying are not the same thing. In a successful negotiation, everybody gets something they want out of the deal — regardless of what it is you’re negotiating. This give and take is all part of the process. There’s really little risk involved. The worst that can happen is the person says no; but often there will be a counter-offer. Also, at the very least, you’ll grow confident in asking for what you want. This makes it less likely clients and suppliers will be able to take advantage of you in your coaching/consulting business. Sometimes you’ll be negotiating for more money, other times you’ll be negotiating to spend less. However, until you start negotiating, you’ll be leaving money on the table either way. BAD HABIT #2: Failing to invest in yourself There is no better investment you can make than to invest in yourself. That means, spending money to learn more, to better your skills, and to improve your mental and physical health. The more you do this, the more likely you’ll make better decisions and participate in activities that increase your value to others. Ultimately, that’s a great way to earn more money in your business while ensuring reduced expenses and less downtime due to illness or lack of stamina. Plus, with innovative business accelerator programs available to help you invest in yourself more affordably while building your business dream, not applying for subsidized expert support and professional guidance is simply foolish. BAD HABIT #3: Holding tunnel vision Going all-in can be admirable, but only when you don’t let holding tunnel vision interfere with your long-term ability to make more money. You have a responsibility to give yourself the best chance to succeed in business. That means setting up multiple streams of income (not just one) and not relying heavily on any one source or client for revenue. It also means never building critical assets on platforms you don't own as they can be lost without warning and most often there is no contingency plan or means of disaster recovery and support available. Disruption happens and it usually isn’t planned. Backup strategies don’t mean you’re less committed to your business; they mean you’re less likely to be ruined by a devastating event you don’t control. Don't neglect this important responsibility. BAD HABIT #4: Becoming complacent It is hard to maintain your enthusiasm and motivation over time. That’s not an excuse for maintaining the status quo. It’s easy to become complacent with who you are and what you do; but it’s not productive or rewarding, and it certainly doesn’t lead to higher revenue. Slowing down to avoid burnout is one thing; not moving or growing at all is something completely different. Rocking inertia is deadly in every way. BAD HABIT #5: Doing only what’s expected Setting targets can easily trick you into achieving the bare minimum to keep yourself going with anything in life. Setting stretch targets, whether or not all are achieved, keeps you striving beyond your comfort zone. That’s where exponential growth and reward reside. If you never go there, you’ll never know how good things can be with just that little bit more applied effort! BAD HABIT #6: Sacrificing goals for loyalty There will come a time (and perhaps many a time) in your life where you’ve reached a dead end in a relationship, business partnership, or even in your business. Thinking about leaving might feel like disloyalty on your part which makes staying an easier, more comfortable decision to make. However, these are times when staying, not going, is the act of disloyalty. When you sacrifice your goals out of misdirected loyalty, it becomes an act of disloyalty against self. Such loyalty does not serve your better good (or theirs) and is, in fact, a disservice to all. BAD HABIT #7: Failing to put your money to work You do have to spend money to make money. So, once you’ve accumulated some savings, put that money to work for you by investing in more education and opportunities for yourself. And, if the timing isn’t right to do that, work with a financial planner to get that money out of the bank and working for you in other ways. Money is energy; keeping it moving is the way to keep it growing. Making more of it is the obvious first step to accumulating wealth. Just remember, the only true wealth is health — it’s the one thing money can’t buy. So, while I’m all for changing any of the bad habits that might apply to help you make more money, do not make any change that will ultimately cost you your health. Once your good health is lost, no amount of money you might spend can buy it back for you. Is 2020 the year you'll invest in yourself? Visit wbecs.com/programs and discover your next learning journey.

by WBECS Team
Jan 14, 2020

COACH-CREATED©: Self-Mastery: A Two-Way Street by Delbar Niroushak

This COACH-CREATED© blog piece comes to you from Delbar Niroushak, Founder and CEO of Nirouye Tadbir Iranian (NTI) and specialist in Enneagram Coaching Why do I believe that coaching is a good process for bringing change and effectiveness to people’s lives? Because, to me, coaching is transformation. Based on my experience – some of which is in the middle east - I love getting to see first-hand how coaching is bringing the best out of every individual and team I work with. As their coach, I support them to be their best and most affective selves in different situations, whether it’s with their families and partners, in social situations and/or in the workplace. I believe that everything starts with self-mastery. Anyone can improve in every aspect of their lives once they have mastered how to take the lessons from their experiences - whether negative or positive – and master how they react to all things circumstantial while honoring their own values and viewpoints. The Road to Self-Mastery I like to work with my clients to create a road map of sorts. Clients seem to look for a coach who will guide their way, but also, know when to step back and navigate their own path. Successful coaching relies on that instinct and balance, and that was such a revelation to me in the beginning. I also understand what it’s like to adapt when the path you start out on changes – something my clients often have a hard time dealing with. You see, a kind of enlightenment occurred in both me and my clients when I started out. I had begun my journey as a psychologist – I achieved a PhD in Clinical Psychology and worked as a counsellor for a time. I enjoyed helping people so much, that I went on to study Human Resources Development and Management. From there, I attended a selection of intensive courses and learned a number of assessment tools with a range of associations. I had explored all these avenues, and yet still wasn’t quite sure of the best way to apply my skills. When I discovered coaching, everything fell into place. I found that everything I had learned to date was relative to the coaching profession. That’s when I realised that every experience, even if it doesn’t make sense at the time, will come in useful somewhere down the line. So, now, when I work with my clients, I help them to take the lessons from each step of their journey – even from the things that seemingly went wrong or appeared not to relate to where they are now – and recognise how what they learned at each stage has informed who they are now. This is what I mean by self-mastery. It’s about taking ownership of all the components that make up the “self” and taking the best of every situation forward. Building a road map to your ideal outcome involves accepting everything that makes you “you” in order to understand why you react the way you do in particular scenarios, and how to play to your strengths so you can adapt and grow into your future. The fluidity of the field As coaches, we can sometimes be guilty of becoming attached to certain tools and techniques, just as clients can get attached to specific methodologies, and even to a particular kind of coach. What is so wonderful about the coaching world at the moment is that everything feels very fluid right now. Constant change is encouraged and even necessary in the current climate. Some coaches are intimidated by that, but I find it fascinating and exciting. Coaching is less about attachment and stagnation, and more about empowerment and consistent progression – for the coach and the client. Clients have a variety of options to tap into now. Coaches are working hard to remain relevant by keeping their skills fresh. The relationship between coach and client is a partnership, and you both have to move and adapt to change together to be what I call “tomorrow-ready”. What occurs is that, by moving forward in this way, both coach and client achieve higher levels of self-mastery in tandem, enjoying the benefits of the process equally. A good coach will help their client to identify their “blind spots” and, in so doing, recognize their own as well. It’s a two-way street, which is why I find coaching so gratifying. Staying true to the “self” One key aspect of coaching self-mastery is encouraging the client to be true to themselves. This, coupled with knowing it’s okay to be yourself as the coach too, is fundamental. To be appreciated at your most authentic is one of the most fulfilling outcomes of self-mastery. For some, being themselves comes with a certain amount of vulnerability. Coaching creates a safe environment that allows for this. In my experience, it's in those moments when people are brave enough to be vulnerable that real breakthroughs happen. Enabling others to achieve self-mastery by being brave is the most rewarding aspect of what I do. It also inspires me to be more honest with myself about my aspirations too. A duel experience Every person has untapped potential within them. We are all learning all the time. With coaching, I help to coax out my clients’ hidden or forgotten skills and support them in coming up with a roadmap to self-mastery – all the while adjusting my own path and developing my own skill set. My mantra is “changing and transforming negative thoughts”. Even negative experiences have something to teach you – something you can take into the next phase of your development. To recognise that in others, I look at my own experiences, good and bad, and draw the strengths and the lessons from them to help both my clients and my practice. That is why examining self-mastery through coaching is so valuable – it empowers both the coach and the client.

by WBECS Team
Nov 20, 2019

COACH-CREATED©: Mentor Coaching: not just for a credential, but for life by Clare Norman

This blog post comes to you from Clare Norman PCC - Director; Coaching Culture Creator; Leader and Transition Coach; Mentor Coach and Supervisor at Clare Norman Coaching Associates Ltd. The theory of coaching is far less important than how we show up in the room. One of the great things about the International Coaching Federation (ICF) is that they demand quality from coaches. They are the only professional coaching body to assess coaches’ actual coaching skills (how you show up in the room) in depth. They require coaches to submit one or two recordings of their coaching to be assessed. Also, coaches have to have accrued 10 hours of Mentor Coaching before they go after a credential. The world is finally taking the practice of coaching seriously. However, the world is in a state of constant flux. Because of this, it’s important now more than ever that coaches keep their skills and credentials razor-sharp. Why Mentor Coaching? No matter what stage of development you are at, and whether you are going for a credential or not, Mentor Coaching is invaluable. It enables us as coaches to see our blind spots in practice. Here’s what the ICF have to say about Mentor Coaching: “The International Coach Federation believes that, in order to be effective, continuing professional education should include opportunities for individual practice, reflection and learning with the support of a skilled observer providing feedback. This is the role of the Mentor Coach.” So, it’s not just for a credential - it’s for life! If we declare that we want to be the best coach we can be for our clients, the only way we can be certain that we are staying on top of our game is to be observed and provided with structured feedback which is related to our competence. It’s about regularly bringing ourselves back to conscious competence: Never forgetting that there is always more to learn about the practice of coaching Never getting complacent or believing we have nothing left to learn Never getting stuck in unconscious competence or indeed slipping into unconscious incompetence Of course, we can get feedback from our clients, but they don’t always necessarily know what great coaching looks or feels like. They know they’ve had a good experience, but do they know what a coach at their absolute best looks like? It’s our job to show them. What is Mentor Coaching? The ICF describes it as follows: “Mentor Coaching for an ICF Credential consists of coaching and feedback in a collaborative, appreciative and dialogued process, based on an observed or recorded coaching session to increase the coach’s capability in coaching, in alignment with the ICF Core Competencies.” It can be in a group or 1-1. For credentialing purposes, group mentor coaching can account for no more than 7 of the 10 hours you need. Group Mentor Coaching allows you the benefit of seeing others coach, so that you can learn from different approaches. You get the chance to see from the outside what moves the client’s thinking further on – and what keeps their thinking in the past. 1-1 Mentor Coaching allows you to listen to a recording together with your mentor coach, and to stop and start it to reflect upon what you are doing that is enabling your client to progress – and what keeps their thinking in the past. All of the feedback – whether your own to yourself, your peers’ feedback towards you, or your Mentor Coach’s towards you – will be tied to the competencies. This structure makes it easier to assimilate, as you figure out which competencies you need to work on and which you are strongest at. Mentor Coaching can be face-to-face or virtual, whatever works for you. For example, I run a face-to-face group lock-in, an advanced lock-in for those on the lifelong learning path, and a virtual lock in plus 1-1s over Zoom. Who should I choose as my Mentor Coach? It is important to be observed by another coach who understands in detail what they are looking for – and who puts all the learning into practice in their own coaching too. This is far from the old adage “if you can’t do, teach”. This is a ‘both/and’ equation – they should be a coach AND a Mentor Coach. A Mentor Coach must have been through the Mentor Coaching process themselves and keep putting themselves through the rigour of that to stay sharp. They are your role model for continuous professional development. For credentialing purposes, the ICF requires you to have a Mentor Coach who is at the level you are aspiring to be credentialed for, or higher. For example, if you are going for ACC, they must have been an ACC themselves for more than 3 years. Whether you are going for a credential or not, I recommend you choose a Mentor Coach who will: observe your coaching, as per the ICF brief give you constructive feedback in a supportive AND challenging way, tied to the competencies understand the ICF competencies and markers inside out and back-to-front – practically as well as on paper receive mentor coaching themselves on a regular basis share their own learning from their own practice in service of your practice How frequently should I invest in Mentor Coaching? You will need Mentor Coaching if you are going for a credential. Thereafter, ACC renewal requires you to receive more Mentor Coaching every 3 years. However, Mentor Coaching is for life, not just a credential. So, how frequently might you decide to invest in revisiting your competency as a coach? I gain so much value from working with a Mentor Coach that I do it four times a year. Not only do I gain so much value from it – my coaching clients do too, in terms of the coaching we do together. What’s realistic for you? Perhaps you invest in supervision as well, and you’re thinking about choosing between the two as a way to manage your time and money. Supervision and Mentor Coaching are both important for different reasons. Supervision keeps us safe and resourced; Mentor Coaching keeps us at our sharpest. My suggestion would be to follow the recommended ICF re-credentialing timing and invest in ten hours of Mentor Coaching at least every three years, which is spaced out or carried out over a period of three months. That three-month window allows you to put new habits into place within your coaching and assimilate what you are learning over time. Where can I find a Mentor Coach? The reason I am so passionate about this is because I am a Mentor Coach with 18 years of coaching experience, and six years of Mentor Coaching under my belt - and, I should add, a 100% success rate for coaches who submit their application after working with me. I can’t guarantee that you will be successful, but past results are a predictor of future results. There are others like me out there. You can search for them in the Mentor Coaching Registry on the ICF website. Reach out to one of us if you are looking to sharpen your edge – whether that’s for a credential or for lifelong learning. What are you waiting for? If you’re anything like me, you’ll have a vested interest in keeping our profession at its best. One way to do this is to change the way coaches think about Mentor Coaching. Remember: it’s not just for a credential, it’s for life! This content is taken from Clare’s forthcoming book, Mentor Coaching: A Practical Guide (Open University Press).

by WBECS Team
Nov 13, 2019

COACH-CREATED©: Explaining The Two Cs of Communication: Care and Consensus by Rashmi Jha

Communication is key for building teams that click. This notion became crystal clear to me when talking with an employee of a huge multinational corporation, owned by a well-known name in the global machinery manufacturing industry. This particular employee worked in the Human Resources department, managing the approximate 3000 factory workers employed by the company. Let’s call him Dave. I had a chance to talk with Dave. I asked him, "Sir, in such a routine day - where every minute is allocated and there isn’t much time for one-on-one or group discussion - can communication really make a difference to teams?” His response: “You are underestimating the power of communication. The communication born out of care and consensus can elevate you to places you never thought possible.” This got me thinking of the parallels in nature. For example, in large colonies of ants or honeybees, it’s caring, consensual communication that allows workers to come together systematically, yet accomplish challenging tasks individually. Through my conversations with Dave, learning about his invaluable human resource management experience, the 2 Cs of communication were born. It’s what he said next that established them in my mind forever. The Importance of Care in Communication Dave went on to narrate the following real-life scenario: “The factory in which he worked was located on the border of two different states of India: Tamil Nadu and Karnataka. Therefore, workers were coming from two different states. The workers from Tamil didn’t share the same opinions as those from Kannadiga, and these differences grew over time. This ultimately led to a belief that the company, specifically management, didn’t care about their respective opinions. This spurred infighting among employees, which, like the differences between workers, grew over time. Small issues such as seating arrangements in the dining area and which plate could be used by whom quickly became bones of contention between workers. Ultimately, the Workers’ Union called a meeting and decided to go on strike due to a lack of care and consensus between factory workers and the human resource management team.” However, Dave the Human Resource Manager did care. He cared for each individual, not just as a factory worker, but as a family member. This realization was when communication truly started. Dave talked to the Workers’ Union and tried to arrive at a reasonable consensus between the non-negotiating parties. Unfortunately, the Tamil and Karnataka workers still didn’t see eye to eye. The Importance of Consensus in Communication So, Dave kept talking. Gradually, he was able to break the ice between the Tamil and Karnataka workers. After a month of negotiation, clearcut boundaries were laid out for each individual worker - even the plates in the dining area were numbered and assigned to minimize friction among workers. The negotiations continued. Finally, after 3 months of nonstop negotiations, combined with the understanding and care shown by Dave and his management team, the communication roadblocks were overcome and a consensus was reached. With the conflict resolved, workers returned to work wholeheartedly, resuming their duties as a full-fledged team. My conversation with Dave reinforced my understanding of communication. I know that in high volume interactions, it is difficult to streamline every piece of communication happening within and outside an organization. If leadership teams in a company show enough care towards the other departments, creating a larger consensus through smooth communication, then differences between individuals do not become bones of contention. The fluidity of communication amongst departments and people is only attained when an organization cares enough to formalize consensus and makes operational excellence the ultimate goal. Enhance your coaching communication skills by becoming the coach your clients deserve faster than you ever thought possible... Register for the new FOUNDATIONS OF GREAT COACHING course with Google's David Peterson and ICF's David Goldsmith - to accelerate your coaching practice from good to GREAT in a fraction of the time it usually takes! Visit: https://www.wbecs.com/ace/

by WBECS Team
Oct 09, 2019

A while ago, I was in the lobby of a firm, waiting for my meeting to happen. I observed a mix of people arriving – vendors, clients, postal workers. Employees close to the entry point made sure everyone was treated the same; same warmth, same courtesy, same communication, no US vs THEM segregation. I have learned that businesses in an ecosystem that holistically prosper are the ones which provide this type of seamless service. It made me think that perhaps, in modern business scenarios, the unicellular ‘amoeba’ approach might help organizations to be better, stronger and agile. What is meant by ‘amoeba’ approach? The term amoeba is used here as an analogy. An amoeba is a single-celled organism which can easily divide itself in equal parts if needs be. It has all the necessary functions for living within itself, keeping things simple and structured. What I witnessed in the lobby that day was outside entities entering the amoeba, and in so doing, instantly becoming a part of it, contributing to it, and therefore, allowing it to grow. Inside the cell, you are equal to and as important as everything else inside it that enables it to flourish. I love how the world of nature can help us to understand and shed light upon the similarities between biology and the business world. What is a decision-making unit? A Decision-Making Unit (or DMU) is defined as ‘all those members of an organization who become involved in the buying process for a particular product or service’ (Robinson, Farris and Wind, 1967). Note that it says ‘all those members’ and not ‘a member’. With this in mind, creating the seamless integration of welcoming one and all as though they are a part of the organization feeds directly into stature, success and ultimately, sales - essentially feeding the amoeba. The very definition of seamlessness is ‘continuous or flowing’. Every particle within the amoeba is potentially a DMU. Treating them as such keeps the cycle of success going. This seamlessness extends to staff and shareholders too. When all involved with a particular firm are united in a sense of purpose, it inevitably aids in swaying each DMU in the organization’s favour. Even if an individual does not buy directly, one mention on social media or word-of-mouth recommendation can influence a DMU out there somewhere sitting on the fence. The amoeba approach has the power to make one's business excel by recognizing that it is not necessarily individuals, but the collective consciousness of a group of informed and dedicated individuals performing their tasks for the greater good that makes the difference. How can an organization take inspiration from an amoeba? Like the particles inside an amoeba working together to flourish, the synergies of success lie in the intertwining of all people, processes and resources. Deep-seated synergistic commitment transforms ‘me’ into ‘we’. From senior leaders to janitorial staff, when all take pride in the ‘we’ of things, the once multicellular, multi-temperamental organization becomes the simplified, well-defined, seamless amoeba. That’s not to say that achieving seamlessness is always easy. It takes effort, involvement and passion at all levels to keep the synergies holistically alive every single minute of the day, along with regular reviews and improvements for long-term sustainability. This is where coaching can play a vital role. The seamless DMU is the impact powerhouse that no organization should ignore. It is my wish for you to create a seamless decision-making unit of empowered beings for your firm or the firm you are coaching. Good luck!

by WBECS Team
Sep 04, 2019

Since joining WBECS in December, I’ve been working to create more opportunities to engage with the coach community, and invite you to share your stories and successes with us. Your response to the Coach-Created© has been outstanding. New content ‘Created by Coaches for Coaches’, has opened up dialog between coaches, and between coaches and WBECS, helping us better understand your coaching challenges. The Coach-Created© approach also helped us tailor this year’s Pre-Summit event to better suit your needs, improving the overall learning experience. We will continue to implement positive changes based on your valuable feedback. To expand these connections, we are introducing a new initiative as part of Coach-Created©. BYOC: Caffeine, Coaches + Conversation with WBECS CEO is a new series of LIVE chats where you can ask your questions directly - as well as offer your thoughts on the work we’re doing, and what else you’d like to see - in real time. This is a great opportunity to contribute to the future of WBECS. By attending BYOC sessions, you’ll help shape our future offerings. You’ll also get the inside scoop! Be the first to know about new programs and products we’re developing. Plus - we’ll get to know each other better too! Your opinions are important to us. They help us to enhance the WBECS experience for everyone, customizing our services for the coaches of today and tomorrow. Thank you so much for playing a vital role in worldwide coaching excellence. The first BYOC session is set for Thursday 29th August at 1pm ET, and on the last Thursday of every month thereafter. Stay Tuned to our social media channels for more details and updates. All my best, Marva. Join our Facebook Community for all the latest news and updates!

by WBECS Team
Aug 07, 2019

In loving memory of Judith E. Glaser, who died in November 2018 after a 3-year battle with Metastatic Pancreatic Cancer. “The key to better health is to better understand our brain. By understanding how the brain functions, communicates, and responds to our environment, we can reach our full potentials. The brain does not speak French or English, it speaks neuroscience” - Judith E. Glaser Conversations are not just a way of sharing information; they actually trigger physical and emotional changes in the brain that either open you up to having healthy, trusting conversations or close you down so that you speak from fear, caution, and anxiety. Conversations have the power to change the brain by boosting the production of hormones and neurotransmitters that stimulate body systems and nerve pathways, changing our body’s chemistry, not just for a moment, but perhaps for a lifetime. As we communicate, our brains trigger a neurochemical cocktail that makes us feel either good or bad, and we translate that inner experience into words, sentences, and stories. “Feel good” conversations trigger higher levels of dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, and other biochemicals that give us a sense of well-being. The millions of minute-by-minute neurochemical reactions within our brains drive our states of mind. These states of mind shape our relationships every day, affecting the way we communicate to build trust with others. Conversational intelligence (C-IQ) gives us the power to influence our neurochemistry and the neurochemistry of those we converse with, even in the moment. C-IQ lets us express our inner thoughts and feelings to one another in ways that can strengthen relationships and success. As we come to understand the power of conversations in regulating how we feel every day, and the role language plays in the brain’s capacity to expand perspectives and create a “feel-good” experience, we can learn to shape our world in profound and healthier ways. Multiple Dimensions of Conversations Conversations are multidimensional. Understanding how to access the right dimension for a situation is the art of conversations. There are 3 levels of conversations, each representing a way of interacting with others. Level I: Transactional Conversations Transactional conversations include interaction dynamics such as asking and telling. These types of conversations confirm what we know and give people a platform for giving and receiving information. Level II: Positional Conversations Positional conversations include interaction dynamics such as advocating and inquiring. These conversations allow us to defend what we know; they give people a platform for having and expressing a strong opinion about something. In these conversations, we are less open to influence and more interested in selling our ideas. Level III: Transformational Conversations Transformational conversations, also called co-creating conversations, include interaction dynamics such as sharing and discovering. This means asking questions for which you have no answers, listening to the collective, discovering, and sharing insights and wisdom. This generative way of communication leads to more innovative insights and deeper listening to connect to others’ perspectives. Wired for Trust Our brain is designed to detect trust and distrust in our everyday conversations. This hardwiring is millions of years in the making. Trust is the first signal we seek to determine if we can open up or need to close down. Trust is the feeling of "I am safe, and I know you have my back." It is associated with the release of the neurotransmitter oxytocin, which is associated with love, bonding, and collaboration. When we feel safe, we down-regulate the activity of the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis, which lowers our stress response, and we up-regulate our social engagement systems through the production of oxytocin and other prosocial hormones (Porges 2009). A safe space allows us to engage in co-creating conversations with others as we activate our trust networks in simultaneity with our ability to strategically think and our ability to empathize and show compassion to others, and it increases our ability to see into the future, or foresight. These incredible competences activate only when trust is present. Distrust, on the other hand, is associated with the release of the stress hormones cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine. Trust and distrust are mediated by two separate areas of the brain: trust by the prefrontal cortex and distrust by the amygdala (Dimoka 2010). The Amygdala The amygdala is a small structure in the brain embedded bilaterally in the limbic system, which is classically viewed as our emotional processing center. This little almond in our brains can be thought of as air traffic control, sifting through salient information and categorizing it as either pleasurable or threatening. If we determine a stimulus to be threatening, the amygdala prompts the stress response: fight, flight, or freeze (Dimoka 2010). The amygdala may be here to protect us, but it becomes overactive when faced with chronic stress. When we face chronic stress, our bodies produce higher levels of cortisol, a hormone that shuts down our prefrontal cortex—the thinking center of our brain – and activates conflict aversion and protection behaviors (McEwen, WE-IQ TV Interview with Judith E. Glaser, April 25, 2018). We also become more reactive and sensitive and may perceive greater negativity than exists. These effects can last for days, imprinting the interaction on our memories and magnifying their impact on our future behavior. Cortisol functions like a sustained release tablet—the more we ruminate about fear, the longer the impact. This triggered reaction is not momentary—it is sustained over a half-life of 13 hours or a full life of 26 hours. When cortisol rules over our bodies, we are unable to engage and connect, locking us in Level I conversations. The Prefrontal Cortex Through co-creating conversations that focus on how we can cooperatively tackle challenges, we activate an appreciative mindset, changing our neurochemistry. We turn off the threat-based messages from the amygdala and turn on the brain connections that feed up into the prefrontal cortex. By translating current information, impulses, and our biochemistry, the prefrontal cortex helps us make judgment calls, have empathy and compassion, and anticipate the future. This foresight is the power to successfully predict what will unfold based upon understanding the patterns that lie ahead and synthesizing their meanings. When we find positive patterns of engagement, we can utilize nature’s critical catalyst, oxytocin, to reinforce a bonding experience. Oxytocin is both a neurotransmitter and a hormone produced in the brain by the hypothalamus, regulating neuroendocrine functions, and secreted into the bloodstream via the posterior pituitary gland. Release of oxytocin into the bloodstream is dependent on the excitation of neurons in the hypothalamus. Co-Regulation Co-regulation is based on the mammalian biological need for connection, which is the ability to mutually regulate physiological and behavioral states (Porges 2015). Understanding how the levels of oxytocin and cortisol shift during engagement—and how to regulate this neurochemistry in real-time with others—is the critical catalyst for enhancing your C-IQ. In order to build trust, partners need to be able to transparently "read" each other’s intentions and determine if the trust is reciprocal (Dimoka 2010). Co-regulation is a supportive process where the activation of positive and helpful feedback between people takes place more frequently and more consistently. Once people find giving feedback easy and realize it produces positive changes in how they interact with others, they will integrate it into their everyday life. Through 30 years of experience in corporate organizational communication, the CreatingWE Institute developed a set of tools that create a method of Co-regulation for promoting social engagements. C-IQ’s catalyst tools are a powerful set of measurement tools that analyze the frequency of negative cortisol-producing behaviors versus positive oxytocin-producing behaviors that occur during conversations in today’s workplaces. They measure, through subjective observation, how often people engage in both positive and negative behaviors and rate the frequency of those behaviors on a Likert Scale from 1, which is almost never, to 5, which is almost always. Humans in physical proximity influence each other’s nervous systems, whether they are aware of it or not. We can create emotional contagion, for example, of positive or destructive feelings, that can quickly move from one person to another (Barsade 2002). Positive emotional contagion leads to successful communication and co-operation. When we co-regulate, we use that resonance to move toward greater understanding, cooperation, trust, and compassion. When someone starts to get defensive, or I-centric, we can keep ourselves open and remain we-centric by utilizing co-regulation to help them shift their chemistry. By up-regulating we-centric behaviors, like priming conversational space for trust and asking discovery questions, we can elevate engagement and levels of trust. Once you understand the dynamics of engaging and up-regulating the social engagement system and down-regulating the stress response, you are ready to enter the next dynamic of a conversation, Level III. The Dance of Two Brains Two brains in action are different than one. The Interactive Brain Hypothesis, as explained by Joy Hirsch, a professor of neuroscience at Yale’s School of Medicine, proposes that as we share information during conversations, our brains evoke neural activity unique to dyadic, or paired, communication. Humans and animals tend to mimic gestures and synchronize emotional expressions of others in order to better connect. Professor Hirsch’s work demonstrates how congruence between gestural and verbal communication can enhance comprehension, while an incongruence between gestures and spoken language can serve as an alerting social cue, activating social comprehension areas of the brain like the temporal-parietal junction (Hirsch 2017). Moving into a congruent pattern of communication is the signal to the rest of our body that we can be trusting and open. In order to connect with others through mimicry and synchronization, we need to be able to listen. A good listener engages physically and mentally, shares eye contact, and uses positive affirmation to show they are paying attention. When we listen to connect, we activate Wernicke’s area: the part of the brain that allows us to comprehend spoken language. (Hirsch, WE-IQ TV Interview with Judith E. Glaser, May 1, 2018). The stronger the relationship is between speaker and the listener, the stronger and more successful the conversation will be. Neural coupling, or synchrony between speakers and listeners, predicts the success of a conversation. A study from Princeton University, using fMRI to record brain activity from both speakers and listeners during natural verbal communication, shows how a speaker’s brain activity is coupled with the listener’s during successful communication (Stephens 2010). This coupling of brains, or synchrony, disappears when we fail to communicate. As an example, when speakers communicate with a listener who does not understand the language of the speaker, they fail to sync (Stephens 2010). When we connect at a deeper level with others, our brain patterns mimic each other’s—we actually start to see the world through their eyes (Hirsch, WE-IQ TV Interview with Judith E. Glaser, May 1, 2018). Being able to see the world from others’ perspectives is the benchmark of conversational intelligence and Level III conversations. We now know that there is a sea of biochemical and neural activity inside our brains and bodies that influence our ability to connect, navigate, and grow together as a culture. Understanding the neuroscience behind conversational dynamics is the foundation of C-IQ and the key to unlocking the door to the full potential of our relationships. NB & RDG References Porges S. W, (2009), 'The Polyvagal Theory: new insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system', Cleveland Clinic journal of medicine. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3108032/ Porges, S. (2015, August 30). 'Social Connectedness as a Biological Imperative'. Retrieved from: https://www.attach.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Attach-Porges-handout.pdf Glaser, J. E., & McEwen, B, (2018, April 25), 'Bruce McEwen WE-IQ TV Interview'. Retrieved from: https://vimeo.com/279129730/51778834fb Lee, S., Park, S., Chung, C., Kim, J. J., Choi, S., & Han, J,(2015, December 21), 'Oxytocin Protects Hippocampal Memory and Plasticity from Uncontrollable Stress'. Retrieved from: https://www.nature.com/articles/srep18540 Lin, Y., Chen, C., Huang, C., Nishimori, K., & Hsu, K, (2017, September 14), 'Oxytocin stimulates hippocampal neurogenesis via oxytocin receptor expressed in CA3 pyramidal neurons'. Retrieved from: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-017-00675-5 Dimoka, Angelika,(June 2010), 'What Does the Brain Tell Us About Trust and Distrust? Evidence from a Functional Neuroimaging Study', MIS Quarterly Vol. 34 No. 2 pp. 373-396. Available at: SSRN: https://ssrn.com/abstract=2428911 Carter, C. S., & Porges, S. W, (2013, January), 'The Biochemistry of Love: An oxytocin hypothesis'. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3537144/ Bargh, J. A., L. E., Clark, M. S., Gray, J. R., & Kang, Y., Williams, (2011, September), 'Physical Temperature Effects on Trust Behavior: The Role of Insula'. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3150863/ Glaser, J. E., & Bargh, J. (2018, May 1), 'John A. Bargh WE-IQ TV Interview'. Retrieved from: https://vimeo.com/286581700/22f9792b03 Barsade, S, (2002), 'The Ripple Effect: Emotional Contagion and Its Influence on Group Behavior'. Administrative Science Quarterly,47(4), 644-675. doi:10.2307/3094912 Noah, J. A., Dravida, S., Zhang, X., Yahil, S., & Hirsch, J, (2017, March 09), 'Neural correlates of conflict between gestures and words: A domain-specific role for a temporal-parietal complex'. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5344449/ Stephens, G. J., Silbert, L. J., & Hasson, U, (2010, August 10), 'Speaker–listener neural coupling underlies successful communication'. Retrieved from: https://www.pnas.org/content/107/32/14425 Glaser, J. E., & Hirsch, J, (2018, May 1), 'Joy Hirsch WE-IQ TV Interview'. Retrieved from: https://vimeo.com/274248236/1dd3f4b62b Nicklas Balboa is a Researcher and Project Manager for the CreatingWE Institute. Richard D. Glaser, Ph.D, . is a Biochemist and Founder of the CreatingWE Institute. Would YOU like a guest spot on the WBECS Blog? Email blog@wbecs.com to enquire! Subscribe to the WBECS Blog below!

by WBECS Team
Jul 01, 2019

Welcome to the first in a new series of Coach-Created© Guest Blog Posts - article for coaches, by coaches. This blog post comes to you from Anjana Rajani FCIPD - Founder & Managing Director of coaching practice Power 2 Progress. Curiosity, compassion and courage (or the three Cs) are innate to our human capacity. As opposed to the many learned behaviours we pick up along the way, we are born with these three basic principles built into us. Think about it. When we are children looking at the world with new eyes, we are courageous – climbing without fear of falling; attempting new things with no thought to the consequences. We are compassionate – helping friends up when they fall, giving hugs when someone seems sad. We are curious – asking questions and consuming books, eager to learn new things. This is our natural state, untainted by the conditioning of our parents and fear of the worst-case scenario. We are not born afraid. However, life teaches us caution, and we begin to question ourselves in every situation. Why do we do this to ourselves? The answer is simple: we want to be seen, we want to be heard, and we want to be loved. With that in mind, here are some tips that I offer to my clients when considering the three Cs: 1. Listen to the fear As we get older, a sort of inner tug-of-war begins between being our authentic selves and fear of not fitting in. You might find yourself wanting to speak up in a meeting, for example, but stopping yourself at the thought of being told you’re wrong or being made to feel that your opinion doesn’t matter. You want to be yourself, but you also want to belong. Instead, you self-edit. You hold back. Fear takes over. The way to overcome this, is to adjust your approach to fear. It is often said that the only thing to fear is fear itself. So, instead of being afraid, hear your fear calling out as an invitation to courage – a call to action. Listening to fear helps us to take courageous steps. Bravery can’t exist without it. Let your fear enable you to step into your curiosity. If you don’t, you are closing off your options by making assumptions. Why fear something that might not even happen? That is a waste of energy. Instead, put your energy into visualising your ideal outcome. Let yourself feel how you would if it worked out just the way you hoped. Take a deep breath and go for it! You might find that you had nothing to be scared of, and you’ll never have to worry about that particular situation ever again. 2. Challenge your assumptions Making assumptions relates to your past experiences. Remember how I said life teaches us to be cautious? Caution is born out of negative experiences. If we are hurt by something, we vow never to do it again – it’s how our brains are wired. We go into self-preservation mode, protecting ourselves from potential pain. By doing this, however, we limit our lives. Show yourself some compassion. Forgive the past. Don’t look back – you’re not going that way. When you find yourself assuming the worst, you are allowing your past to limit your future. Instead, recognise that you are in an empowered position of choice. 3. Treat yourself and others with compassion If you saw your best friend doing this to themselves, you would advise them to live life to the full and stop holding back, right? My mantra is Be your own best friend. Steer yourself in the direction you would steer a buddy. You wouldn’t allow your bestie to limit their experiences, so why allow yourself to? You might, for example, be assuming that the person in front of you will react to something the way someone else did in your past. This is where all three elements come into play: Let fear call you to courage – be brave enough to try. Get curious about the ways in which the outcome might be different this time. Have compassion for yourself – by choosing not to limit your life by holding back. View the person in front of you with compassion too. They are not who you are comparing them to in your mind. Everyone is different. The chances are, this new person will react differently, and pleasantly surprise you. Take your new-found compassion towards yourself and use it as a frame through which to view others without judgement or pre-conception. 4. Ask yourself useful questions Instead of thinking about all the bad things that might happen, start asking yourself some positive questions: “What’s the best thing that could happen?” “How can I be more courageous?” “Where is my reaction to this situation coming from?” “What is my fear asking of me?” “I have several choices – what are they and which is the best one?” These are all GREAT questions that are based in positivity. They are a powerful way to convert fear into rationality and will encourage you to have more confidence. 5. Try it out! The only way to find out if you can bring about real change in the battle against self-doubt is by giving it a shot. Speak up in that meeting! Ask your crush out! Join that gym! View your fear as an invitation to courage. Recognise that being afraid presents you with a selection of choices. Have the compassion to embrace your imperfection. Have the curiosity to embrace your greatness. Have the courage to unleash the real you. Courage, Compassion, Curiosity and Coaching In my line of work, I am finding more and more that there is a call, for leaders in particular, to be more compassionate, curious and courageous. There is value in recognising that we are all human, and we crave human connection. Understanding, approachable leaders who are able to set their ego to one side and operate from a place of authenticity end up with a team who will go above and beyond for them. Our job as coaches is to make business leaders see this. It does wonders for staff retention and team morale. I advise them to have the courage not to be flawless all the time; with compassion for each team member, and curiosity for the outcome that will bring. Perfect leaders aren’t real, and real leaders aren’t perfect. Vulnerability and courage go hand in hand. The same goes double for anybody that you’re coaching – and for you too! You can even apply the three Cs to yourself. You’ll be amazed by the results. I always am. What you come to realise is that these three principles are EVERYTHING. They will help you and your clients reach full potential. Would YOU like a guest spot on the WBECS Blog? Email blog@wbecs.com to enquire! Subscribe to the WBECS Blog below!

by WBECS Team
Jun 17, 2019

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COACH-CREATED©: Explaining The Two Cs of Communication: Care and Consensus by Rashmi Jha

The Importance of Care in Communication

The Importance of Consensus in Communication

Get more, the latest news, delivered straight to your Inbox

WBECS Team

Related Articles

COACH-CREATED©: 7 Bad Habits Costing You Money by Linda M. Lopeke

COACH-CREATED©: Self-Mastery: A Two-Way Street by Delbar Niroushak

COACH-CREATED©: Mentor Coaching: not just for a credential, but for life by Clare Norman

COACH-CREATED©: Explaining The Two Cs of Communication: Care and Consensus by Rashmi Jha

COACH-CREATED©: Creating Seamless Decision-Making Units Across Organizations & Clients by Rashmi Jha

Expanding COACH-CREATED© Connections: A Note from Marva

COACH-CREATED©: The Neuroscience of Conversations by Nicklas Balboa & Richard D. Glaser, Ph.D

COACH-CREATED©: The Importance of Curiosity, Compassion and Courage by Anjana Rajani

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This website stores cookies on your computer. These cookies are used to improve your website experience and provide more personalized services to you, both on this website and through other media. To find out more about the cookies we use, see our Privacy Policy.

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